Monday, June 28, 2010

Obscured by clouds

There is no bigger surprise than the one that involves surprising yourself with the ability of doing something that you thought you'd never be able to do!

-- Told to a friend during a conversation on Saturday, 26 June 2010

There are times I don't want to be me, but something monumentally different! I wonder where that thought comes from really. Is it as a result of a certain degree of understanding the self? I'm not proclaiming that I have reached the pinnacle of self-realization, I've hardly scraped the surface. Knowing the self all to well itself is an act of liberation I'm told, something that leads to bliss! And I can assure that there is no sense of self-loathing, despite any number of regrets!

But then what is it really that is making me think about being that something that is not me? I wonder! It has nothing to do with fear of any kind. Maybe it is the impulse of wanting to undo everything that was done in a manner that was done. Now, even if that were to happen, I realize very well that I cannot stop from being me or having been me before!

How does one alter the course of life? Is it supposedly easy to just walk away and change skins? What is the measure of achieving a radical shift? Hop, skip and jump, or just change gears?

Friday, June 25, 2010

Monsoon mania

Diplomacy can at best be described as an act of throwing your wife out of the window and singing love is in the air!

-- Anonymous / Writing on the wall

Now that the monsoons are here, I've got a lot of complaining to do!

It's not like I'm staying in a sweltering place where temperatures are a sorely killing issue! What begins to be a bright sunny day soon turns out to be a squall, which results in the momentary euphoria of the mind to fast become a damp squib!

At first there's warm welcoming sunshine with a mild caressing breeze. As the hours speed by, there's a looming clump of menacing cloud that multiplies faster than perhaps rabbits can reproduce! Then the mass turns dark gray as if to announce a sudden onslaught of it's new-found might! And lo, pour the rains throwing life into a tizzy! What continues is a rotten steady drizzle that wouldn't quench even the thirst of finger-sized bird, let alone a parched field!

And to make matters absolutely worse, there's the maddening echo of this someone whose orgasmic type yells, of "ah, what wonderful weather, what delicious mud, ooooh," puncture the innards of my ear to no end! Sickening to the gut!

So much for the number of weather widgets on my computer and two smart-phones! All I can do is seek solace in the adage that "the trouble with weather forecasting is that it's right too often for us to ignore it and wrong too often for us to rely on it!"

Monday, June 21, 2010

Note to the Lion

Dear Dad

Ordinarily, this note would have been very difficult to write, but what's making it easy for me is my million odd faults as a son and my being nothing of the sort that you envisioned and dreamed of me to be.

While other Fathers proudly bask in the glory and achievements of their children, here I am, a fitting example of nothingness, out of who nothing big can be expected. I'm not complaining, but merely admitting something that you already know and have known for a very long time now. So then, the question of why writing this note in the first place?

Well, for all of my misgivings as a son, I wanted to tell the world of how much you toiled in order to make my life rewarding and happy! Of all the times when you put me ahead of you to make sure that I had the best always and all ways! For having made sure that I went to fine places to seek education and had among the best of literature to read from! Ensuring always that I had a very good meal to savour when a lot of my kind went starving because they were not fortunate enough to have someone such as you for a Father!

We've had our differences and agreements, and many a times I could not reason your logic as you would have desired me to do, but I cannot say enough in appreciation of the wonderfully everlasting lessons that I have learnt from you! You have taught me far more than what books and exponents could and it is a shame that I cannot demonstrate any of that in a manner you'd have wanted to see!

I'm not writing this to eulogize you, that's not the objective and you know I hate to do just that! I'm simply telling the world that your absence would have made things unimaginably worse for me!

I'd have missed the opportunity to be a step closer to God had you not been around!

Enough said, I guess!


Not quite a tribute on occasion of Father's day which happened yesterday! Just a random note in appreciation, would be more like it!

Friday, June 18, 2010

Take me away

I've been asked a number of times as to what my greatest fear is! In a very jocular sense and almost immediately after being asked so, always, I've retorted with the word 'myself!' And, I keep wondering what that actually would be, for all of us do have some sense of fear, most certainly, whether we choose to readily acknowledge it by saying what it is, or mean to keep that a secret and wear a whiff of confidence and an air of invincible importance in the attempt to convey a sense of courage!

Many of us have long passed the state of being afraid of snakes, heights, water or insensible actions, primarily as a result of mastery over the mind and experience, or rather an impeccable combination of both, which many a times proves to be a very staunch ally in the road of life, often helping us overcome even the most mountainous of obstacles!

So coming back to what I would term as my primal fear, you know what that is? It is the fear of witnessing the deaths of loved ones as my own life would progress into a seemingly endless tapestry of eventful handiwork supposedly given to extend only for that very purpose of being such a mute and wretched spectator! I fear, most, of being the one who would see endless deaths of friends and family without having the opportunity to conclude myself until such a point in time when all of them who matter the most have been expended! I have a very uncanny premonition that this one is going to be true, so much as I'm sure of my name!

Diagnostically speaking, I'm told Necrophobia is the term!

Monday, June 14, 2010

To the dark side of the Moon

Is there something such as dark energy, dark force or the like? I'm not talking in terms of physical cosmology or astronomy which relates to the energy that fills itself across space and is responsible for the rapid and continual expansion of the universe.

I'm talking of negative forces at work that can be destructive. I mean, every positive supposedly has a counterpart in the opposite? Can it be explained? I'm curious to know!

What exactly is a negative? It is believed to be more potent than just being an opposite of a positive force, one that is primarily intent upon creating a harmful circumstance in order to achieve a certain objective. But there is another side to this assumption, which seems to be a more prudent approach and certainly one that is comforting. What if there really is no positive or negative energy? Maybe all energy is neutral after all, until the point of our personalization of it, in the manner that we do!

I'd like to quote something very interesting I read off the internet; Look at determination as a common character trait. It is an intent that, if carried to one extreme can make someone so stubborn that they will never risk change. On the other hand, it can make people so determined to succeed that they will risk everything just to say they did it. The original energy, therefore, has no positive or negative connotation. It gets that based solely on how each of us use it. Sounds convincing?

Now, you'll forgive me for having titled this post after what is perhaps one of the most acclaimed musical creations in history! No dark forces at work here, I assure!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Put the sun back

I've written about this once before, but that's not stopping me from doing it once again!

Sometimes I wonder if it really is all that complicated to seek true love and be blessed with it! Is it so phenomenally difficult to arrive upon what is perhaps the most blissful times of life? Must there be a great deal of struggle to achieve it or can it be chanced upon just like one would arrive on a road to a certain destination?

Why then, does it prove so elusive and tiresome to be drawn into? Is it experience of instances before hand that makes one judgemental and careful? Or is it limited to the will of time to present such a wonderful situation to unravel in front of the patiently willing?

It's very easy, I presume, to maintain one's composure in the face of any adversity, particularly if you have made that very steadfast decision to remain glassy and supposedly emotionless and appear to put up a very strong face for the world to see! That is quite another something!

But then deep down, there is something of an emotion that wants, perhaps needs, a brush of wind to swish over the face with a whiffing caress and yet a sense of comfort that warms up the cockles of the insides!

Love is love, after all! I can't explain if you know what I mean! :)


I want you to know that this was written in an absolutely positive mood and not otherwise. When on a rainy Sunday afternoon, my being capitulated to the wonderful yesteryear favorite of The Coral titled "Put The Sun Back," I found an instant connect between my mind and the keyboard which resulted in this post!

Why don't you spend sometime listening to this masterpiece yourself and get lost in the wonders of music and relish the moments so spent?

Monday, June 07, 2010

The White Mountain

The White Mountain (HD) from Constantin Philippou on Vimeo.

From where I am standing Dushanbe isn’t too far! And, Dushanbe is the edge of the world!

An expanse of wilderness sweeps me and I know it cannot be covered by even the speed of thought, much less that of light! The wind is cold and brutal but there is a sense of longing to remain where I am, and merely watch the wonder that unfolds ahead of me in a dimension that my mind, with it's umpteen limitations, cannot possibly comprehend! Time is certainly not a factor! The inside reassures me that there is nothing to hurry up for, so I’m calm and composed, free from the otherwise haranguing pursuit that doggedly plays ball with my mind!

Rich orange hues soon give way to shades of gray! Darkness falls and there are a million shining lights dotting the wide sky. They look like brilliant pearls saying something in unison that I strain to understand. Flashes of light erupt in many spots, all at once and almost always, often seeming to be patterns yet so random and incalculable! I cannot seem to focus my gaze on just one setting, though wanting to do just that! It is breathtakingly marvelous yet overwhelming!

A thousand voices call out to me from the sky and yet I know I cannot go, though I so much want to, or rather - need to!


The White Mountain is a time-lapse video shot by Charles Leung and the marvelous background score was composed by musician Constantin Philippou.

It is to be noted that this post is purely an abstract and bears no connection whatsoever to the geo-politically significant city of Dushanbe in Tajikistan.

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

Time goes by

No, not Madonna's confessions on a dance floor! I'm talking of how unimaginably fast days are fleeting by!

Is it just me who is feeling so? What seems to be the reason? I mean, 2010 happened just a while ago and now we are poised to complete one half it! Is it that we are so engrossed in life and it's very mundanely routine happenstances, that we fail to notice the passage of time? Or is it that the collective stress of what we endure causes nature to push forward the limitation of time so that life maybe kind on us?

Remember childhood? That brilliant time of life when actually being lived would never seem to pass? Maybe it's our over zealous quest for the end that is perhaps driving us towards it at seemingly light speeds!

Good to keep thinking, but the truth is that there's no stopping the tick-tock!

I found a marvelous time-lapse video on the internet which perhaps is a perfect representation of how 'time flies.' Titled City Life, it is a creation of Spencer Black, and the fantastic background score is by composer Constantin Philippou. Do take a look!

City Life (HD) from Constantin Philippou on Vimeo.